I´m needing a reading

[Deirdre Siobhan]

After 21 years as heart centered clown on the stage, in hospitals and teaching empathetic clowning, I decided to stop. This has been a wonderful move into a new sense of inner soul space which I really needed. But I am still physically ill, although much healthier than I was before. I am some how missing something vital. Maybe even the longing not to miss a trick, maybe. I don´t know. I know that I have structures that I´m dragging along with me, like old bones, but I can´t see them because they are in so close. Any help is welcome.

[Remi Daily]

Hi Deirdre,

I hope that my reading can help you, I say this because I do sense you are at a place where you feel that time is ticking and that is because of your health issue(s).

Intuitively I pick that you not only are you a beautiful woman on the outside, you're as much as a beautiful spirit on the inside. I sense you've taught kids before, because of your picture, the way you happen to glance down at a corner with a smile of love. Like an inherent memory/residual photograph or when you once taught younger kids.

You have a really big heart. You're very loving like a Universal mother, you carry with you little prejudices when it comes to people of many backgrounds and I think you've learned this through the love of teaching your students or being around young kids.

I sense that you were a trailblazer in your previous career and that you're somewhat a feminist, meaning you trailblazed in your area of expertise when there were no other women in that field as representation, but you were or you are passionate that women have a stronger voice and you've also assisted in helping other noteworthy females around you. You have a knack of sensing the je ne sais quoi in people, you're kinda like Oprah.

So you say you're missing something. Do you feel that the new generation of youths and young people you are currently having a problem in relating with them? Have you presented some vital information to someone who is a young professional and they kinda didn't relate and this is something you are not used to having? I think you are used to having people recognize many of your ingenius ideas and resonate with them, but for some reason you're having a harder time puncturing through some of the new up-and-commers sphere of intelligence. Have you tried getting back in your field and was met with brick wall, and you are trying hard to get your message across to this audience of a different generation?

I sense that this is affecting your knees and other joints. Have doctors thought you have some form of rheumatism like Lupus?

I got a new decl that deals a lot with Chakras and the Major Arcanas. I will pull this deck out and see if this connects with you:

The Journey Home: "At this stage of initiation, the spiritual seeker aspires toward a personal relationship with the world. To accomplish this, one must withdraw from the transitory nature of the outer spheres and engage with that which is fluid and eternal. One must learn to engage with the intermediaries of the soul and live through the intuitive self that, in time, becomes the primary organ of perception" You are currently trying to find the relationship between body, soul, and spirit. you are going through your soul's second incarnation.

For your chakra cards I pulled the solar plexus and the 7th chakra for you to work on. Maybe you need more laughter in your life in order to get a sense of fulfillment. Though intuitively I picked up on rheumatism, my cards are telling me stomach (intestinal, liver gallblader, pancreas, etc.) issues, maybe even depression along with migranes.

If you have a specific question, we can do a Tarot read.

Love and light,
Remi

[Deirdre Siobhan]

The Journey home is right except the second incarnation bit. Although it feels like a new soul birth within this life. And the stomach issues are right. But. No depression. I was wondering if there is an opposite equivalent called elation. The withdrawing into quietness these days is helping that. I am never without a strong sense of light. And laughter. My joints are fine. So are my knees.
Actually I can relate to people of all ages. I know that different phases in life bring different qualities, but people are people no matter what age they are. I have been surrounded by all different generations all my life. I also don´t have any sense of being up against a wall, or not being understood. I am astounded by how much people understand and are giving me time and space right now.

I am interested in what you mean by "up and comers" and their sphere of intellegance!! Define coming.
The most amazing world movers and shakers, REAL up and coming people are not bound by generations. Many are women I am most inspired by are in their 50s and 60s. One is a 10 year old I was talking to yesterday. Two men who are different kinds of therapists in different parts of the world and are each revolutionizing healing approaches in their own way. They are in their 40s. I am blown away by my daughter´s 8th grade class mates and their social networking skills and wise philosophies. I know an old priest in ireland who´s sphere of intelligence is beyond that of most people I know. He is a catholic when he is speaking english and a pagan/celtic christian when speaking irish. Communication with young or any aged people is not my difficulty. It is the art of silence and seclusion that I´m not so good at. I´m learning.

"I sense that you were a trailblazer in your previous career and that you're somewhat a feminist, meaning you trailblazed in your area of expertise when there were no other women in that field as representation, but you were or you are passionate that women have a stronger voice and you've also assisted in helping other noteworthy females around you. You have a knack of sensing the je ne sais quoi in people...", this part is correct. Not a feminist as such but, well, I´m a woman! I had to create a new approach to clowning because all the methods that existed that I knew of had been created by male clowns.
I don´t like teaching kids, I don´t feel comfortable in school situations at all. When I have worked with kids, it was as a professional in a workshop situation, but not placed above them. A clown ( a true clown, not just a person in a silly costume) doesn´t have any sense of status. A project gets done because the goal is clear.

Maybe the invisible kid in the picture is my daughter. She took the picture.

Thank you for your time!

[Remi Daily]

Hi Deidre,

Sorry my reading was of no help or no accuracy for you. I hope that someone can help you find what you are looking for and the answers that you need.

What I sensed that you had a conversation with someone, maybe someone in your direct profession, or someone indirectly in your profession (like a scholar, or doctor, etc.) who wasn't really getting a sense of what your philosophy about a subject that is related to your profession. Maybe you had a conversation with someone as an attempt of reentering into/or giving more knowledge into your profession and that person just didn't seem to align right with your philosophy. This person happens to be younger and from that conversation alone you probably got a sense that maybe you are losing touch with this audience within the same demographics as this person- whether it is true or not. Have you had an intellectual spar with someone younger than you about a method or technique within your profession?

This probably didn't happen and that would make me pretty much wrong;-)

Despite not like teaching kids, did you ever have to do something with kids in which you were comfortable being around them and that you got a chance to enjoy their essence which then allowed you a different perspective of people?

No further clarification is necessary, I just hope someone out there can help you!

Love and light,
Remi

[Deirdre Siobhan]

Of COURSE I love being around children! I have spent 21 years as a clown. I am a very happy mother of two. I just would never want to teach. I have huge respect for people who are able to be teachers.
As to the other I had one coleague with whom I was in conflict. We both know that we have karmic ties to eachother and went through huge transformations over the past year to learn to accept each other and recognise why we are in contact in this life. It is a work in progress, but makes me confirm my belief that anything is possible. He is 3 or 4 years younger than me. Does that count?

It is not true that your reading had NO accuracy. Forgive me if I made you feel like that. I was trying to give clear and truthful feedback. Just as giving readings needs to be learned, feedback giving does too. Especially for empaths. Both have to to with learning to verbalise.
Again, thanks for taking the time, and go easier on yourself!
Hugs,
Deirdre

[Remi Daily]

Hi Deirdre,

No, your feedback didn't give me the impression that there was no accuracy. It was that I would like to be more accurate in the hopes that whatever that may come through later may help you. But if I am not getting more hits in accuracy than I like, I feel I am unable to help you at this time- that's how I gauge my empathy and the ability to read someone and to determine if I can help them out. As a person with a scientific background, we're kinda hard wired to percentages, accuracy, precision, etc.

I love feedback because I can learn from what I feel.

Hmmm, as far as the intellectual spar, I got the impression that this was a recent discussion, maybe sometime in the last 2 months. I had an impression this person was in their 30s or 40s.

I also think that you are spending a lot of time in your own garden you've built up with your own species and genus of plants and animals- you are loving it here but are pushing the boundaries to see more of what's contained in this garden and what may be in the other garden in the other realm of existence. At the same time, you've forgotten about the others in the realms of gardens under you. As you spend more time in this garden you are no longer thinking, expressing yourself like the people you used to build your life around. You have a new vocabulary in which others haven't been able to access, there's no thesaurus around to help others relate with you and you are maybe getting dissatisfied with it. You hope that others will follow into your garden and then continue to follow in the other gardens you have yet to explore.

However, the more you push into seeing the creations of the other gardens, the further away you are emotionally, intuitively, etc. from the ones you have around you, which brings more discontent for you.

Maybe figuring out what you are running from in the world that you used to share an exsistance in with others. When you figure that out, get rid of whatever that is dead to you.... try not to run away to these other realms where the reality there is amazing and new, but lonely for you. You still have part of yourself, your soul, anchored in this old realm of which you are neglecting. Maybe its this neglect that is causing you some strife?

I hope that Angel can give you more insight. I just sense that you are not just being a recluse, but you are shifting your soul and conscious away from this plane of exsistance which is giving an impression to those around you that you are depressed or something along those lines. You might not be, but once in a while you need to come home and play inside (so to speak) so you can feel the warmth of home. Have a talk around the dinning table with your loved ones about your spiritual travels in their language- share with them, get some love, humor, and nutrition (chicken soup for the soul) before going back on your spiritual travels again. Reenergize with those around you.

[Angel]

I feeling, believe it or not, your looking tooo deep. Is this possible, yes? There is a void within and your searching for what that void is, that missing part of you. That missing part is simply seeing the joy on people's faces, takeing away a little bit of pain with every smile. You've decided to embark on a new journey, one more deeper and spiritual, but the point is not that deep, it's laughter, it's joy, by fulfilling them, you fulfilled yourself. It's good to search our souls and for us to grow within ourselves and our spiritual journey, but joy is the key to any healthy spirit and soul. Balance this in with your journey. It dousn't mean to go back and teach or practice like before, it means to take a little time each week to release the child like energy you are go gifted at giveing. "be of light heart" it was I'm hearing. It could simply being cutting a cute little joke to the neighbor next door. We have this man at work who is in his 90's. Obviously retired, but his biggest highlight of the day is to go into Walmart ,and ever person he runs into to make he will say or do something to make them laugh or smile. His energy is so youthful and refreshing and most people love him for that. The smiles fulfill him ,and he can go home with a smile on his face knowing that he has brightened up so many people's day. Take a step back and embrace the inner child within, see if this helps :)

[Christy]

Hi-
Do you have people you are trying to please at the moment? That is the main thing I am picking up....it could be totally wrong though. :) I am sensing a pink color in your aura...

[Deirdre Siobhan]

I am in Ireland now, my soul home. My three revelations of the past two days away from the computer were definately connected to both Angel and Chrisy's messages! I found out:
a) I am trying to please all of the people all of the time and that is a strange kind of controlling of my fate instead of trusting. I do trust with most of by being but on a fundimental level I wasn't even aware of until now, I seem not to be. The relief of not needing to work hard at that all the time made me weep. Like an over anxious, happy , well meaning puppy dog, I guess instead of just being with whatever was.
b) I have been behaving inwardly like someone cramming for an important test for years. Wanting to know all I need to know, learn all the lessons... now I have stepped into a new feeling of soul and am shocked to realize that none of that is needed. I have entered this place and the test is different than I imagined! Not a test. A challange. Not remembering, holding on to, is needed, but releasing what I have learned. Not what I have in terms of learning, but who I am. I know suddenly that I can't keep preparing so I will manage when I get there...I AM THERE. Now and now and now. Always have been. I stand here full of wonder, yet bewildered. I am told, inwardly: forget all the tools you thought you needed, forget all the theories and rehearsals. Trust.
It is a bit scary. It is very awesome.
C) I was awoken at four thirty this morning and called outside to the ocean, to the fields. There was an urgency. The sun was rising, the whole south-east coral and melon and pink and gold. It had been pouring and dark clouds coming in off the sea were bring a lot more rain. This was the one clear window of the day.
I walked along the beach. For some reason I feel a very strong presence of the archangel Chamuel when I am here. I walked and observed when I was still and just present, and when I started racing in my head. I stood and felt a mixture of lost bewilderment and awe. Suddenly Chamuel was there. I saw him reach into me and scoop my heart out with both hands and throw it upwards, a fluttering bird. He did this three times. The compelling suggestion was "light heartedness!" I first felt how full my heart was of tears.
The I stood and relaxed into that. My heart, which tends to be a tight fist when I am in Germany and always opens up and warms here, began to unfurl like two mighty wings that were curled up tight. I had never imagined any part of me being so huge! I felt transported up. I realized that while every day of mine is filled with earnestly happy meetings with people, warm connections, the sparkly interactions that the Irish call banter is natural as breathing to me...some part of me didn't understand the world of joy. Not joy like this. The dimensions of it!

So Yes! Not deeper, not hard diligence and practice-makes-perfect but simple, light-hearted JOY.
And, by the way, yes. Pink is the color that makes me happy these days. Like the sun rise this morning.
Thank you guys and breezy blessings from Ireland...

[Christy]

You are welcome!! I am so glad you are on the road to feeling better. I'll bet Ireland is beautiful. I have never been there. :)
Christy

[Angel]

Sounds like a wonderful experience, sometimes the easiest lessons are the hardest to learn, :) I'm glad that you are feeling more powerful within yourself, more free, keep this with you always :)
Blessed Be,
Angel

[Remi Daily]

Hi Deirdre,

It is good to know that Angel and Christie could supply the verification of what you needed to know.

"For your chakra cards I pulled the solar plexus and the 7th chakra for you to work on. Maybe you need more laughter in your life in order to get a sense of fulfillment. Though intuitively I picked up on rheumatism, my cards are telling me stomach (intestinal, liver gallblader, pancreas, etc.) issues, maybe even depression along with migranes."

I was wondering since you've understand the need for more joy and laughter in your life, do you find that your solar plexus/stomach issues have cleared up a little? Have you also been able to communicate with those who immediately surround you?

Speaking of Chamuel... I never ever heard of this Archangel until I read one of Doreen Virtue's book. I asked for his guidance of late in order to find some important documentation I lost on a memory stick. Doreen says this Archangel helps you to find things and I am assuming he helped you to find more joy and laughter in life for fulfillment. I am still waiting for him to materialize the lost memory stick of mine! Since you met him recently, can you put in a good word so he can help me find that memory stick!;-) Send him right to me because I really need to find that item!!!

All things come in time, and so did your answer. Just be careful of exploring too much in your garden and not finding your way back home, where you can find laughter and inner peace again.

Love and light,
Remi

[Deirdre Siobhan]

I did some research about Chamuel: he is connected to Mars and also ( this I already knew from him ) has to do with love. I have had an unexplained inability to absorb iron for a few years now ( possibly due to amalgam poisoning) leading to long bouts with anemia. Iron is connected to Mars, as is the blood! I think I have always had a fear of expressing my mars side ( no wonder I have the stomach, solar plexus issues, Remi! ) and along comes Chamuel and is teaching me about love that is a powerful power and that when living love, I don't need to always be "nice". Something I know in theory.

Laughter has never deserted me, it just comes bubbling up naturally like a wellspring that is part of me but I think there are other emotions that I have shoved under my mattress. An image that comes to mind is of a sword...yikes! Angel, I feel like I have the warm, sparkling meetings with every one I meet and loads of hugs and laughter in my family, I just am scared of speaking my mind when it is negative. What is THIS about? I have a sort of diplomatitis. I know it is there but I can't see it fully, like standing behind a mirror and guessing what is in it. Or a millstone on my back and when I turn around to see it it still is behind my back. The faster I turn, the faster I miss it.

I suspect I maybe have done massive harm to people, been thoughtless in past lives, taken too much and want to sweet, nice, amazingly loving St. Deirdre the Wise with a modesty mask in this one. Ouch!