Have you experienced such?

[sebstian]

Hello,

albeit general confusion, difficulties identifying and labeling feelings with language, little developed boundaries and underdeveloped capacity for perspective taking, I wonder if the following might be going on for me: While I am at least partially letting go of a person I loved (or was forced to let go) I had the image that this very person still loves me and that I sense that and that it interferes with my healing process of letting go and may be a source of additional pain to me prolonging letting go. The person in question has never been willing to talk with me about the circumstances of our relationship and for the past two years denied any sort of comment. For example when I called she would answer the phone and pretend not to hear anyone (consistent pattern) maybe because she does still love me yet is committed in another relationship with child one one hand, that she may feel guilty about forcing me to let go, and that she does not want to get hurt herself. Not being able to talk with her about what happened does not help me stop thinking about her either. But still I wonder that what goes on maybe what I also sense to be happening for another woman I met: I sense she loves me and I may feel this over distance and may feel hurt. I cannot imagine telling the second person that I do not love her (to complicate things; I feel very attracted to her physical also over distance without being in love; which is new).

Has anyone experienced such phenomena before? Any one that can offer any advice? Any ideas?

Sebstian

[Deirdre Siobhan]

I have no idea if I properly understand what you wrote here. I got lost in all the words. IF I sensed the feelings right, though, I would say move on! Out with the old and in with the new! Have courage. Wouldn't you be sad if you missed a glorious sunset because you were still looking east to see if there were any sun beams there still?
Is English your mother tongue? You write it like a gifted scholar but your heart seems to sing to different rhythms.
Just curious.
:)
Deirdre

[sebstian]

Let's say a person I loved forced me to start letting go of my feelings for her. Let's further say she still loves me. Let's say I sense she still loves me and that this hinders letting go or makes it more painful. What then?

Let's say another person in whom I am not in love is in love with me and I sense it. Let's say me sensing her feelings for me may remind me on hurt feelings of my past and hinder my recvovery. What then?

PS: Thanks for your reply, Deirdre. You have an interessting name. To answer your question: My native language is German; though I am not sure my native language is "language" (I am a bit autistic). And I am curious to know what rythem my heart seems to sing; I infered I am supposed to find out myself?!

[Deirdre Siobhan]

Deine Herzenssprache hat mehr Ebenen und versucht sich in normalen Sätzen auszudrücken. Did you seee the film Martian Boy ( Mein Kind Vom Mars ) ? At one point the little boy is dancing the most amazing strange dance. The foster father joins him. When they are done the little boy says something like: nice talking to you.
What is your comfortable mode of communication?
I mean it when I say follow where the sun is now. Even if it seems like it is not the real thing. Maybe you are on a treasure hunt ( Schnippseljagt ...ich dachte lange es war ein Schnitzeljagt!)and this is a flag in the right direction. Maybe if you follow the flags you will find someone who speaks or at least understands your amazing, multi dimentional language ( "Deine ware Herzenssprache) .

[Andy]

I guess I've experienced a similar situation of sorts. I also feel I was forced out of a relationship, for my own well-being, although it was not what I desired, which made things even more difficult. I was most certainly terribly burdened by the situation and experienced much despair from it, but I still did not want to let the relationship go. I did finally break communication off with her as I knew I was becoming more and more detrimental to her well-being as a result of my despair.

I feel at times in our lives, our choice relevant to our desires/wants are taken away. It is "unfair", but such is life at times. We just need to live in the moment, accept/forgive and leave our hearts open to whatever may come. To quote from Benjamin button(great movie), you never know what's coming for yah. Just try and live without anticipation, accept moments for what they are, choose wisely as best you can, and do not live in the past, as best you can anyway as I suspect we all know, we get caught up in emotion/analyzing and trying to reflect how we could do things differently.

Be well

[Amy]

Yes, she may still love you but she CHOSE to leave and I seriously doubt you are the one who could change her mind. She chose a path different from yours, her decision is made. Now its time to say goodbye and move on (at the risk of sounding harsh and insensitive but its a very strong feeling I have from your post!).

In regards to your heartache, here's some more gentle words: This is a great opportunity to focus on yourself, to heal yourself, to learn from mistakes made and become a stronger person for the next relationship. Find the things that soothe you (walking in nature, massages, clever conversation with friends, hot baths, sleep, art, dancing, music, the list can go on...). If you can't find anything soothing, depression might be setting in so watch out.

In regards to the girl who loves you but you don't share the same feelings... let her go too. This all sounds like some kind of love triangle... the hurt and pain goes in circles! Get out of this triangle and find a partner who can reciprocate what you feel.

Hope this helps, Amy

[sebstian]

Ok, here is my question about the woman with whom I have not been in love: She has not openly shared with me her feelings and I do not know what expetations she is harbouring or not. Should I tell her that I am not in love and not available for a love relationship and end effection towards me which I have to sense even though she has not decided to tell me about her feelings herself? I am thinking about this. I uphold non-violent communication; letting go of expectations etc. so when I have a crash on someone and it is not returned, then I ask the other person to tell me off so that I can let go and let go, and generally they understand. This person however has not asked anything from me and I would not want to hurt anyone at anytime. It seems fundamentally wrong to me to tell someone that I do not love them. However, it seems fair to me to say how I alone feel, like saying "I am not in love" - without saying it in relation to other person. But how can I protect myself from sensing someone is in love with me with someone who does not talk openly about her feelings, does not ask questions about what I feel, does not tell me her own feelings? Is it allowed to tell someone, that one is not in love"? I feel like it should not. Especially so when not asked. I could ask her if she is in love. But why would I want to do that if I am not? I am not clear on my expectations and responsibilities towards others in this matter.

[Deirdre Siobhan]

Here is a book that might help you. It has profoundly transformed my life. As far as I know it hasn't been translated into english yet, not a problem for you, but for others reading this thread, I really hope it will be translated soon! It is especially good for situations like yours because it helps too get a look at our deeper truths from new angels . I can really warmly recomend it!

Die Schlüssel fürs Tor zum Goldenen Zeitalter
von Saint Germain
gechannelt von Sibylle Weizenhöfer

[Angel]

No matter what the reason, you need to find closure to the first person. The only way love an conqour all is if 1- it's a two way street or 2- it's through divine intervention. Sometimes we need answers to find closure, and sometimes we won't get those answer's. I'm one of those people. Even if I can still "feel" the emotions from that person, I need to know why they don't act upon that or have some type of contact with that person and to truely know the "why's"> But you can't always make that person contact you or do what you want them to do, so the best advice I can give you is to look "upward" ask your Angels, Guides, ect,,to show you the why's and to help you find healing.

[sebstian]

Thanks, I am looking in myself and am learning, and I look in others, and whereever I may find answers.

[Angel]

p.s., follow your heart, if your not in love, your not in love. Don't leave her hanging to try and save her feelings. The longer she holds on to that hope that one day you will live happily ever after, the more she will be hurt when you let her go. If it helps, i do a see a "clean slate" meaning, that I see someone new comeing into your life, that is "available" where you both could have the opportunity for a really sweet relationship :)

[sebstian]

"Don't leave her hanging to try and save her feelings." - I still wonder if that is my decision alone to make. I wondered that if I had to choose to make such a decision effecting someone else, if in this case I should wait until she manages to graduate from high school in about half a year or so and do not cause any stress as of now.

I would be very interessted for the opportunity of having a really sweet relationship. This idea inspired hope in me. It also made me question if I would notice in time who the person is you mention because I can sometimes miss out subtle social signals or context of a conversation. I wonder if then I know what to do step by step, too!

[Lynn]

Trying to hold on can result in shallowness of feeling, a sense of being out of touch with life. Seek to discover what it is you are holding on to that keeps this condition in effect, let go.

Submit and be still, what you are experiencing are the conditions of the time against which you can do nothing. To surrender is to display courage and wisdom
Let go....

Much love to you,
Lynn