Does having romantic feelings for someone block your ability to read them?

[Lissanth]

Hi everyone I am new here! It's an absolute pleasure to know that I am not going out of my mind but there are actually more people like me! :D

OK, so here is my situation. I have been involved with a guy a few years older than me for a little over a year. It's been a confusing and irritating journey alot of the time and so that led me into astrology to try to find out why I was having so many problems in this relationship. This didn't feel like the typical "we are not compatible" relationship because i always felt connected to him and he seemed mot to be able to let me go either. We are both insanely physically attracted to each other but if it was only a physical connection I feel sure it would have died by now. So in stumbling and becoming deeply interested in astrology i learnt quite a few things but it still didnt explain clearly what was going on. Then I had a reading done by an empath who told me that the guy loved my body, he wasnt being straightforward with me and that he was seeing an ex of his. I confronted the guy about this and at first he seemed throw off and he said I was crazy and making stuff up etc and flat out denied everything. I became a bit skeptical about what the empath had told me because I had not contacted him directly so i began to feel like he may have not connected properly with my guides. Then i also began to research and found out that I do in fact have most of the traits of an empath and for the life of me i could never understand why i was always so depressed with no logical reason, why i always felt so drained, so shy, sometimes needing to be alone alot of the time, and just being different from other people---really different!!! Also i am a loner--i dont have many friends, and people always are drawn to me or stare at me and i hate it sometimes--so that alone makes me feel shy and off balanced! I always felt so weird--but then i began to read about empaths and since then i have given alot of thought to the way i feel about people and how well i can read them. So i started thinking about my guy and no matter what i try--i cannot read him at all--i constantly feel a wall ---just inability to read him or to connect with him. I cannot figure him out on any level. As soon as i think one thing he seems different. And it baffles me because everyone i have ever come across i am able to read--but not him! Yet i feel connected to him in some sort of way. Also, whenever i am around him it doesnt matter if i was sad, angry, happy before i see him--when i am around him i get this nervous/fearful feeling. It is so intense that i literally feel like i want to run away and if i do stay-it feels forced and i feel unnatural and i end up not being myself--it happens all the time--i feel so fake and i used to think it was just me being all weird and feeling nervous because i had feelings for him but it remains the same! What do you think could be the cause of this?? Is he the one projecting feelings unto me and if so what kind and why? Is he intimidated by me, afraid of me--or should i be afraid of him??

[Malene]

That is a lot of questions... :D (but I know the feeling)

First of all, it is very, very difficult to read on someone you are attracted to. As we usually feel other peoples feelings with our own, it is so hard to distinguish between your own feelings and those which could be his. If you feel lust, and you try to read on him, then if he feels lust as well, you cannot tell if it is yours or his, you are feeling, and so the 'input' disappears.

Secondly, you don't see something if you don't want to. Let's say he feels lust but with an angle of withdrawal, because he doesn't want to commit. Then you may pick up on the lust (which you can't distinguish from your own), but the withdrawal and the 'un-commitment' stands in conflict with what you want to see, so you block that out subconsciously.

And the third reason as to why it is so difficult is that he may only feel lust, where you may look for affection. And it is always possible to dig out a feeling, only it may not be connected to you. So you find it, thinking he has those feelings for you.

Reading on someone you are attracted to is probably the most impossible task you can set yourself up to do as an empath. That is not to say you can't pick up on him, just that the reading should be done under fairly controlled conditions. That would mean, you would have to let him in on it, so in this case that sounds impossible as well.

Don't trust a reading done by an empath. Don't trust astrology either. Even if they are right, they still only show a part of a greater picture. Trust your true self instead.

What I am thinking, just as an anonymous advice, is that you have been caught up in a great deal of illusions. Whether or not they have base in reality (he is attracted to you - and what if...? ) is really besides the point, because the illusions detaches you from reality. That could explain your nervousness, even if it does come from him, it is not part of your real reality.

My suggestion (use it if you whish, I am only writing this, because I have recently been in that exact same situation) is that you need to figure out, why you are drawn to the illusions, rather than why the illusions are there. There is a reason, we flee into a world of dreams and maybes and wishes, and the reason doesn't necessarily have anything to do with him.

If you spend more time wondering about the connection with him, than you do connecting to yourself, then that is a sign, that you should look more into you, and less into him. I promise, it will be worth the effort!

[Lissanth]

Thanks Malene! I do have to say I am intrigued by some of what you say especially "i need to figure out why i am drawn to the illusions.." I have always wondered about the uneven balance between fantasy and reality in my mind--i tend to think i live more in fantasy and idealisms rather than reality. Perhaps reality is too harsh for me.

I have no idea how to take the first step in realizing this difference. Also why do you say I should not trust readings from empaths? Dont they tell the truth? And another thing, if it's so difficult--as i've realised to read someone i'm so insanely attracted to then how am i going to find out the truth??

[Malene]

Also why do you say I should not trust readings from empaths? Dont they tell the truth?

As I was saying, it doesn't show the full picture. You are seeking answers anywhere but in yourself.

"And another thing, if it's so difficult--as i've realised to read someone i'm so insanely attracted to then how am i going to find out the truth??"

The same way other mortals do... :-)
Just because we can read feelings in others, it doesn't mean we can always find the truth. What is truth really, when it comes to feelings?

If you step out of the illusions, you will be able to see things more clearly. It may not give you "the whole truth", but it will give you enough clarity for you to see what you want with what you've got. Perhaps even what you don't want?

Reality is the best place to be - most people have just forgotten it existed. It is a certain sensation of spiritual freedom, the freedom of going beyond the perception of things and to see things as they are.
Being an empath doesn't always give us the truth, sometimes it gives us much less, because we think we "know it all" and don't take into account that we cannot be objective about illusions.

[Lissanth]

This may be a sidenote--but why I am so drawn to him and I have told many people i have tried to express the situation to ---but i feel drawn to him because i feel that he needs me--i know that as an empath it's common to feel like this because unconscious empaths tend to overextend themselves. But he had a rough childhood--he wasnt given softness or gentleness, he is more rough around the edges and i see that and feel it so deeply and my heart reaches out to that. I dont even think he knows how to hug and thats sad. But despite all this when he's with me he seems to be quite affectionate--but it's mostly physical like he'll pull me towards him and kiss me mostly---thinking about it i wonder if this is how he shows his "love".He is always smiling at me even when we just happen to see each other by chance and the way he relates to me feels like i'm someone he has a soft spot for.

The reality is that he cannot offer an emotional connection because his life isn't in a good place right now--perhaps i was too blind to see that he was already telling me this and causing myself more heartache and grief. Sometimes i feel "soft" towards him like now and so my tone may be a little different and more empathic with him but then there are other times i am convinced he's only using me and get very unhappy and dissatisfied. This is why i am so confused---my inner self believes that i should reach out to him and that i could give him love and care but then i also focus on what i need to get out of the situation as well --like i cant be giving and giving and getting nothing in return.

[Anthony T. Ellis]

We can't heal everybody. That was one of the most difficult lessons I had to learn. It's especially difficult when you meet a good person that has been emotionally disfigured by childhood experiences. I still work with people like that but not with the same optimism I once had when I was younger.

[Lissanth]

I know we cat heal everybody---and that's why there are certain people in my life that I know need emotional healing and I see their pain yet I am not drawn enough to them to try to help them. For example, i feel alot of negativity and intense negative energy from my father but I've always been very cold towards him ---I feel sympathy on some level but no on a level to reach out and extend myself--this is because i know he would drain me and I cant handle it--he's too negative and draining for me---I sometimes wonder why i am sooooooo unfeeling and cold towards him. This is why it is so strange that i feel so drawn to "my guy" because i feel his "negative energy"---i am not sure if it's depression, sadness or emotional hurt but i know he isn't happy---and i feel drawn to help him--but i also feel maybe the "logical" thing to do is to protect myself.

[Boyd]

Hi Lissanth,

If you are getting this nervous/fearful feeling, it is almost certain that it is your intuition telling you that you are in a relationship based on physical attraction solely and that the ‘real’ connection that bonds two people is lacking.
You say that no matter what you try to do, you cannot read him, but I believe you are reading him. The feelings that your mind/body are presenting are the way in which you are reading him. With everybody else you may read them in a different way, but because you are romantically involved with this person, the reading may be manifesting in this way.

I tend to agree that it is very different to try to read someone you are involved with sometimes, though that has not been the case for me in my situation. I can read my wife like an open book.
If I can offer one piece of advice it would be to meditate. This will ground you in ways that most people cannot imagine, and in so doing, that inner voice that is hard to hear in your everyday life, will become clearer as you do. It is your intuition and it will never fail you. It is your guide. It will tell you what to do, though not necessarily with words; perhaps with a gut feeling that something is amiss.

I do believe that the answer is right in front of you because of the concern you are expressing here and that you know the answer deep down. A relationship based on physical attraction is empty and hollow, and for an empath that is toxic. We need that deep spiritual, soul to soul connection that is the stuff that dreams are made of.
You know the movies, animated or otherwise, where two people can sense each other across space and time and they share a bond that is timeless, well, as empaths with tremendously deep feelings, we crave that.

The type of connection that I refer to that transcends all physical reality is in the real story that follows:
The well established poet, Robert Browning, who lived in the mid 1800’s was reading some works by other writers when he came upon the poems of Elizabeth Barrett. She was an amazing poet in her own right and had been published.
Browning was so moved with the love and radiant energy with which she wrote that he decided to send her a letter. In it he complimented her on her success with writing and her grace and style and said, “I do so love your poetry, Ms. Barrett, and I love you also.

Browning had never seen her, never met her, but knew that he had found his soul-mate from the deep connection that emanated from her writings. He arranged to meet her and within a year they were married. They moved to Italy against her father’s wishes. Her father died having never forgiven her. They spent their lives together until she took sick and her illness was fatal. She died in his arms. They had spent their lifetime together writing beautiful poetry inspired by each other. Elizabeth’s poem, “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” is legendary and is worth a look if you like poetry.

It may seem like I have digressed far away from the topic at hand, but I want to let you know that true love is blind but can be felt in the deepest parts of our Being. If this person you are with makes you anything but this, it is possible that you are detecting it and hence the reason for your reaction.

I do hope you listen to that inner voice. Again, it will never fail you. I hope I have helped in some small way. Take care and be well.
Boyd

[Anthony T. Ellis]

Yes romantic feelings make it difficult to accurately read someone else. Desire sometimes distorts how we perceive others... Especially the desires that are associated with romance.

But there is another thing. I once went through a phase where I was only attracted to people I could not read. Figured relationships would be more interesting if I couldn't anticipate what people were going to do next. That didn't work out very well but I learned a lot from it.

[Bella]

Im pretty sure that is a little more common . With me its my daughter . its the whats there vs the what i want there thingy and I hate it! lol
bella