A Reading Request Please

[CoffeeGem]

Good Evening Everyone,

I would like to request a reading. I guess I am concerned about the usual stuff: love, relationships. Have been feeling very restless lately. Googled an old friend (which I try not to do. I am not a fan on dwelling on the past) and wanted to reach out to him but for no real purpose. I think I am anxious about the person who is currently in my life and that has prompted me to go back to the past. I think that was my way of distracting myself from continuing the strong connection I feel to the person that I care deeply for.
I am also waiting on news from an important venture that would change my working life.
So if anyone could any insight I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

[Lynn]

I sense 'light' around you, trying to get into a part of your life which has been secret and tucked away. Open yourself to the light. To do this you must be willing to admit to yourself something you have long been denying.

Now is a time for you to stay focused on yourself, you may need to retreat or withdraw from both situations, especially if you are feeling that events or people are draining your energy. This is a retreat of 'strength', a time to voyage inward for centering. I sense the meaning of both of these relationships will become clear if you retreat and center.

Allow yourself to feel what you are denying. Your nature is demanding wholeness, which cannot be found in either relationship. I sense distance in both relationships that has nothing to do with you. Retreat inward, do nothing on the physical plane. The perfect relationship arrives for you when you perfect the relationship with yourself.

Re: your work life, the only thing I am sensing here is journey or travel. Communication is mixed, decision is blurred for me...sorry! (could be that it is down to only a few, you included)

Hope this gives you some insight, this is all I can seem to sense at the moment.
Much love to you,
Lynn
I

[CoffeeGem]

Hi Lynn,

Thank you very much for responding to my post. I actually read it a few times and wanted what you wrote to simmer before I posted a response.
I think the things that I have been denying myself have been love and self love. Thinking about that old friend I reached out to, seeing his picture when I googled him, made me feel serene and peaceful because he was a good friend and never hurt me in any way. It was kind of an unconditional love friendship (maybe a little more on his part) and I miss having someone feel that way about me and I also miss reciprocating to someone who isn't out to use me in some way. I constantly feel that everyone always wants 'something' from me.
The person that I care for now, it is honestly a different type of love than I've ever experienced before and I think that is frightening. And to mix in the self love issues is creating havoc. Lol. There is physical distance. Both of them live in different states from me.

I actually hope the old friend doesn't reply. It was selfish of me to want to dredge up emotions with him he may have come to terms with. As far as the work, working on something literary and looking for representation, etc. and I am getting very anxious about the whole process. Trying not to let the time and some of the rejections change the way I feel about what I create.

Thanks a bunch.
I feel better about it all.

[Lynn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9z2ELaBVJY
Be grateful for the Unique, Beautiful You, that you are!
I wish you peace, love and all good things!
Much love to you,
Lynn (feeling the gratitude!)

[Mukwa Oyadin]

hmmm .. things to think about

1) Are you still friends with this "old friend" .. if not, why not?
2) Are you reaching out to the past friend due to a currently "poor" situation?
3) This strong connection you had -- Why is it a "had" and not a 'have'? (see #1)
4) Was any loss (if any occured) dealt with properly -- or is there still "stuff" that was 'hidden under the rugs' and needs to be brought out into the open?
5) You care deeply for the 'old friend' -- how do they feel about you? - (or was that even discussed?)

I can do a reading or a divination or even a nice prayer -- but from the looks of, there is some "stuff" that needs to be handled and thought about -- and discussed -- with integrity, openess and compassion between both parties ..:)

[CoffeeGem]

Hi There,

I realized the old friend was conjured up because seeing him brought back memories of comfort and we got along very well. My current situation brings me great satisfaction and joy when I allow myself to feel it. I know in my heart that I love this person in my life now I just don't want to admit the feeling and what it means, hence the denial Lynn was sensing. I am a maze of walls and find it hard to let down my guard with people in a deep capacity. I feel like I am drifting in a sea of possible rejections, with trying to get my literary voice heard and contemplating feelings for this man. Kind of feel unusually vulnerable and I don't like it. Lol.
I appreciate the offer for the reading. The old friend isn't quite as heavily emphasized as it appears. Trying to figure out why I would run the new person off.

[Mukwa Oyadin]

hmmm,. ok --

there are a few things here that are important ...

1) "when I allow myself to feel it." -- Why don't you want to admit these feelings? Why does the feelings of this 'old friend' present a bigger "high" than your current one? Is there a "Commitment issue" that is deep down inside... and like you said -- Lynn sensed the Denial.

2) As far as walls -- you will need to step out in faith and open your heart in trust. Since life is too short to hide and stay in ones 'comfort zone' if we need to grow and be happy and feel at peace.

3) Rejections: We get those every day -- "Roll with the punches" is an old cliche' but apt here -- since we need to be grateful and thankful for what we have and what we dont have. You stated that you dont like feeling vulnerable -- we aren't an island made of stone -- we are vulnerable -- that is why we step out in faith and trust and open our lives to the possibilities. Life isn't a utopia as we know -- we take risks everyday of our lives -- so there is no need to fear the possibility of rejection; Look at it as a challenge and a gift and blessing that your living life to your fullest, and accept what comes your way.

4) Does the new person know of your feelings? If not, why not? ... And if you love the current one -- why sacrifise that for the old .. it sounds like "the grass is greener on the other side" kinda dilemma ..:)

So a few more things to ponder ..:)

Choose wisely Coffee --

Oh BTW: I wish you success in your literary voice -- if you need prayer, just let me know ..:)